Jekkal's Cliches
by Jekkal
Summary: My first and second cliches! Worship me! Well, at least give me a good review.
1. Jekkal's First Cliche

**NOTE: **This was written in an AIM conversation, so parts associated with Crayak are the work of [Pareko][1]. Also, the German Marco is a character from the Deutsch Aktuell series, if that will help to explain why he speaks German. Our Marco is A. Marco, the German Marco is G. Marco. 

**Jekkal:** I feel like meddling. Lessee, cell phone, Pikachu backpack, deck of cards....

**G. Marco:** Und mich!

**Jekkal:** Marco, no. I don't like how you treat Zehra.

**G. Marco:** Bitte? *Goes on his knees*

**Jekkal:** Fine. You can tag along.

**G. Marco:** Danke schon! Das ist super!

**Jekkal: **You even so much as flirt with a girl, I am nailing you. Got it?

**G. Marco:** Ja, ja.

*Jekkal and G. Marco walk into the barn*

**Jake:** Who are you?

**Jekkal:** I'm Jekkal, and this is my tag-along, Marco.

**Tobias:** Didn't you make me infest you once?

**Jekkal:** That was Jekkal-Corlen-Fahlo, the Andalite. I'm Jekkal, the fanfic author.

**Tobias:** Oh.

*G. Marco walks over to Rachel*

**G. Marco:** Du machst ich auf Touren.

*Everyone ignores the comment, except Jekkal who can understand German.*

**Jekkal:** MARCO, YOU WOMANIZING #######!

**A. Marco: **Hey!

**Jekkal: **Not you, The German Marco.

**A. Marco:** So I'm not penalized for fooling around with Cassie?

**Jake:** WHAT????

THWACK!

*A. Marco lies there, unconscious*

**G. Marco: **Guten Tag, Aximili.

**Ax: **Um.... oooookay.

**G. Marco:** Kommt, Rachel. Tschu, Jake.

*G. Marco leaves with Rachel*

*G. Marco tries to kiss Rachel*

_Minutes later..._

*G. Marco is hopping around the barn, screaming, and clutching something in pain*

**Rachel:** And next time, STAY back, creep!

*curtain drops*

*thundorous applause*

**Jekkal:** *comes from behind the curtain* Thank you, thank--

YOINK!

*Jekkal is pulled back behind the curtain, and punches are heard*

**Cassie:** and THIS one is for saying I slept with Marco!

**Crowd:** Jerry, Jerry!

**Jekkal:** You rather I tell the truth and say you're pregnant with Jake's kid?

**Cassie: **That's a lie! He's as limp as a rag!

*Jake blushes*

**Ax:** What did she mean by 'limp as a rag?'

**Jake:** None of your beeswax.

*Jekkal crawls away from the fight and lifts the curtain up again.This time the setting is a court set. Jekkal comes out in judgery gear (Well, what do YOU call it?)and takes her seat.*

**Jekkal:** Welcome to the court of Judge Jekkal, please be seated. Now, the case is: 'Who slept with whom'? Cassie, please testify.  
  
**Cassie:** On September 27,1999, Marco said that he had been fooling around with me. However, I do not have a relationship with anyone.

**Jekkal:** Whatt about this impending pregnancy? You're already in your second month.

**Cassie:** What pregnancy?

**Jekkal:** The one you had with Jake.

**Cassie:** He's not the father.

**Crowd:** *Gasp*

**Jekkal:** If he's not, who is?

**Cassie: **Visser Three is.

**All: ***GASP*

**Cassie:** What's more, the children will be half-andalite.

**Jake: **NOOOO!!!!

**V3:** How's the muffin in the oven?

*V3 enters, holding out a bouquet, handing it to Cassie*

**Jekkal:** Wait... wouldn't the fact you're not even the same species stop this?

**Cassie: **Not if I did it in morph.

**Ax:** NOOOO!!!

**Cassie:** Yep, I acquired Ax to do it. 

**Jekkal:** Wait... if she used Ax as a morph to score, then that would make V3's host gay... and aren't gay couples NOT supposed to have children?

**V3:** Well, Aximili is a kind of... oh, what's the word... but he doesn't show just male characteristics. 

**Animorphs: ***turn heads slowly to Ax*

**Jekkal:** So he's not a male?

**V3: **Well, he is, but he does have a--

**Animorphs:** *BARF*

**Jekkal:** Okay, if the child was conceived in morph, what's with the half-andalite bit?

**Cassie: **A morphing thing. I'm not stuck as an Andalite this way.

**Jekkal: **Fine.

**V3: **Um... well, considering this is a court...

**Jekkal: **Oh, all right. Do you, Esplin 9466, take Cassie ---------- to be your lawfully wedded wife?

**V3: **Of course.

**Jekkal:** Same question to Cassie -----------, nouns switched?

**Cassie:** I do.

**Jekkal:** I now pronounce you Yeerk and wife, you may kiss the bride.

**Crayak: ***barges in* WAIT! NO! V3 IS MINE!

**Jekkal:** Too late.

**Crayak: ***WAIL*

*V3 carries Cassie out of the courtroom, Bouquet in hand*

*Jake comforts Crayak*

**Tobias:** Well,_ THAT_ was interesting.

**Jekkal: **And what did we all learn today?

**Jake:** That the woman you love is now married to your worst enemy.

**Someone:** I thought his worst was Crayak.

**Rachel: **That you should never let a German escort you out of the barn.

**Tobias: **That Ax can screw himself.

**Cassie:***screams back* THAT BEING PREGNANT WITH A FREAK ROCKS!

**A. Marco: **Never screw a girl, 'cause your best freind will kill you.

**Crayak: **Don't waiot until it's too late.

**Ax:** That everyone here is just plain sicko.

**Jekkal: ***mumbles* Says the Andalite who masturbates daily.

**Ax: **That's a personal thing, thank you very much.

**Marco:** Is it my imagination or are you getting fatter?

**Pareko, who is sitting in the court:** HE'S PREGNANT, TOO!

**Jekkal:** Okay with me. I've got baby gifts!

*The Animorphs leave to have two baby showers*

THE END!

   [1]: ;mailto:thevigilantes@hotmail.com



	2. Jekkal's Second Cliche

**Jekkal: **Time to go check on those Animorphs again. Everything as usual, minus the German Marco.  
  
**Pareko: **Hey, Jekkal!

**Jekkal:** Pare? What are you doing here?

**Pareko: **Well, I figured you might need a bodyguard this time. You almost got clobbered last time.  
  
**Jekkal:** Okay, you can tag along. Although I don't think they'll raise hell if I show up.

*Jekkal and Pareko walk into the barn*

**Ax: **YOU!!!

**Jekkal: **Or maybe they will.

*The Animorphs come after the two with pitchforks and ropes*

**Pareko: **HEY! I'm not even a registered author! Or, at least under this identity...

**Cassie: **Guilty by association!

**Jekkal: **And you call this a fair trial?

*Ax and Visser Three stop the two authors by a tree*

**Pareko:** Objection! Your honor, we're being harassed.

**Animophs: **Uh-huh. Like we care.

*The Animorphs bound up the two meddlers, while Marco makes a couple of nooses.*

*Pareko stares at Ax*

**Jekkal: **No way! I object! The author CANNOT be lynched!

**Pareko to Ax: **Are you getting prenatal care for that thing?

**Ax:** How much help do you think an Andalite needs, anyway?

**Jekkal:** Plenty.

**Ax: **Well, screw you.

**Jekkal:** In your dreams.

**Pareko:** Think of the CHILDREN!

**Jekkal:** Don't you mean child?

**Ax: **Didn't I tell you? I'm having septuplets.

**Jekkal: **WHAT?

*Jake grabs Pareko and puts her on Visser Three; Jekkal gets put on Ax.*

**Jake:** Enough talk, let's lynch.

**Pareko to V3: **You know, you really ought to bathe more often.

**V3: **I do not stink.

*Marco tightens the nooses on the two*

**Marco: **Okay.... now we wait.

**Rachel:** For what?

**Cassie & Jake: **FOR THIS!

*The two of them smack the Andalites, making them run off in pain*

*Jekkal and Pareko fall and hit the dirt*

**Tobias: **What the heck? Why didn't they get hung?

**Jekkal: **First off, you used too much rope. Second, you used both ends of one rope, so really we're just tied together by the neck.

**Pareko: **Yeah, that was slick.

**Jekkal: ***unties the nooses* Now... *grins to Pareko* Torture fic?

**Pareko:** *dusts herself off* Certainly.

*Jekkal pulls down the curtain, and then the scene reopens to an unfurnished basement*

**Jekkal: **Off with the clothes, Jakey.

**Pareko: **Whoa whoa whoa. What is this censored as?

**Jekkal:** Okay, okay. Change that to in your undies.

*Jake strips to his briefs*

**Marco:** You weren't thinking about....

**Pareko:** *blushes*

**Jekkal:** No, no, no. I was thinking about THIS!

*Throws a match in Jake's underwear*

**Cassie: **Toasty.

**Jekkal: **You want to try it too?

**Cassie: **Naw, that's okay. I've done it before.

*Jake blushes, then resumes screaming*

*Rachel looks down at Jake*

**Rachel: **Sheesh, Cass. You were right.

**Jake:** Oooh, I knew I shouldn't have worn polyester briefs!

*Jekkal looks now*

**Jekkal: **Yep, Cassie was right, and isn't he supposed to be circumsized? (Sorry, but I've always wanted to do that scene!)

*Jekkal splashes water on Jake, putting out the fire.*

**Jake: **NEVER do that again to me.

**Jekkal: **You're limp anyway, so who cares whether it's burnt?

**Rachel: **She's right, Jake.

**Jake: **RACHEL!

**Jekkal:** *giggle* Fine. Should I...

**Jake: ***pushes Marco forward* Do him this time!

**Rachel: **NO!

**Cassie: **He's the stud muffin of our group!

**Ax: **But he's MINE!

*Females stare at Ax*

**Jekkal: **I thought you did yourself.

**Ax:** I've branched out, so to speak.

**Jekkal: ***rolls eyes* Ooookay. No giving Marco the hot twig.

*Marco relaxes*

**Jekkal: **Rachel?

**Rachel: **Hmmmm?

**Jekkal:** No, no, no. That would be just plain sick.HEY VISSER!

*V3 trots over*

**V3: **Hey what?

**Jekkal: **Care to give me some suggestions on how to handle these guys? Somewhere along the line setting fire to unmentionables gets boring.

**Pareko:** Not to mention it smells.

**Jekkal: **Well, considering we practically burned Jake's manhood off...

**Jake: **DAMN RIGHT YOU DID!

**Pareko: **And the fact that a certain Andalite who shall remain unnamed is chewing the ashes....

**Jekkal: **Ewwww....

**V3: **Rape?

**Jekkal: **NO!

**Pareko: **NO!!!!!!!

**Jekkal:** Dang it, boy, this is PG-13, not NC-17!

*V3 shrugs*

**Jekkal: **I know!

**Pareko:** Ooh! Do tell!

**Jekkal: **Hmm....*pops in a tape*

**Tape: **_It's all in your hands...._

**Jekkal: **Out! Quick!

**All:** *SHRIEK*

*Jekkal and Pareko run out, locking the others inside, as the song keeps playing*

**Pareko:***evil giggle*

**Jekkal: **Okay, leave that playing for a couple of hours, that'll do it.

_Two hours later..._

**Jekkal286: **(Jekkal) AUGH! Look what we've done!

**Animorphs: **LET US OUT!!

**Jekkal: **They're turning into their Ani-TV coutnerparts!

*Pareko screams in terror*

**Jekkal: **Rachel looks like a slut! And Cassie's skin is much lighter....

**Cassie: **What do you think we've been doing the last two hours to keep sane?

**Pareko:** Rock Paper Scissors?

**Rachel:** No. We were doing a little 'exploration', so to speak.

**Jekkal: **ICK!

*Pareko barfs*

**Jekkal:** Let's leave. They can stay in that room as long as they want.

*Jekkal dims the window down*

**Pareko:** Don't you feel mildly responsible for turning them all into monsters?

**Jekkal: **Hell no. I just want something else to do other than Morphers, that's all.

**Pareko: **Phew. Me neither.

**Jekkal: **Say, I hear there's that new AniPern movie coming out. Shall we go see it?

**Pareko: **I'm there. *grins*

*The two run off to go see a movie*

**Usher: **The film as been changed from _The Dragons_ to a sex ed film for 10th grade. Thank you.

**Jekkal:** Let's leave.

**Pareko: **Definitely.

*Jekkal and Pareko walk out of the theater*

THE END!


End file.
